I Am a Doll

HOT DIGGEDY DAMN! I AM, INDEED, A DOLL!!!

By William Maltese

I am pleased to have, among my acquaintances, a whole array of truly artistic people. Actually, I’ve been drawn to artistic types for a very long while, maybe to do with envy, since I’ve never been able to draw, except stick figures. I did my "time" in and amongst the hoi-polloi of the Seattle, Washington, art community, collecting such Northwest stellar artists as Kenneth Callahan, Paul Horiuchi, Bill Ivey, Bill Cumming, Paul Havas, Bruce Selchov, Karl and Hilda Morris… Experiences from which I drew to write my bisexual murder mystery THE FAG IS NOT FOR BURNING (not to be missed, by the way!).

(excerpt)

"FOR GOD’S SAKE,

you have to be kidding!" Cord said after seeing what Morgan selected for him from one of several closets.

"Who would expect a cop to dress like one?" Morgan argued. "It’s perfect."

"I don’t understand the need for any of this," Cord said. "Why dress up like it’s Halloween, anyway?"

"Because you want to understand," Morgan insisted. "And dressing up is part of it. Besides, Don has someone here tonight who I’m sure you’d like to quiz about Horton. It’s this way, or no way."

"Who are we talking about?" Cord asked, still hoping to delay the inevitable. Having come this far, he wasn’t prepared to turn back or go forward. No matter that he’d feel right at home in a cop’s uniform. He’d worn one plenty of times before becoming a detective, although he’d never done so under such extenuating circumstances.

"You’ll see," Morgan assured, dropping the uniform on a bench that would have looked right at home in a school locker room. In fact, the whole place resembled a locker room. There were two private showers and a large, communal one. There was a urinal, three toilets, and a bidet, all lined up military style, and a couple of enclosed toilet stalls. Pretty extensive a setup for some guy’s basement.

Cord watched Morgan who, obviously knowing where things were, conjured motorcycle boots, a helmet, a billy-club, handcuffs, and what looked like a genuine police-issue revolver and holster.

"Oh, yes, the gun is real," Morgan guaranteed. "Don is a stickler for authenticity. It isn’t, however, as you’ve probably noticed, loaded. Don can’t know, as I do, that you won’t get carried away and shoot up the place in a fit of orgasmic excitement."

(end excerpt)

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Of course, lately, I’ve gathered in talent from all over the world to contribute to my ARTISTS "DO" author WILLIAM MALTESE art collection, born of narcissism and the re-discovery of an old black-and-white publicity shot of me, naked as a jay, which I had filed away (Good God!) in the bottom of a dusty old trunk.

http://www.williammaltese.com/nude_1.html

Someone who has come to be one of my very favorite artists is Star Urioste, doll-maker extraordinaire, who approached me a couple of years back with a query as to whether or not I’d like to see myself as "a doll" — since I "so obviously already" was one. How could I refuse? The result being the anatomically correct free-standing gold ("the author as jaguarspirit son") doll which I immediately placed at the doorway of my office and whose life-like appendage has grown exceedingly shiny over the past few months (like the snout of a bronze boar once spotted in a European town square and regularly stroked for good luck), from me and everyone else groping a feel on each and every pass by (I should be so lucky in real life).

As if that wasn’t enough, Star recently sent me another addition for my collection — the author, as an action-figure doll "the deer hunter" (just the first, I understand, of a series of "author as" action-figure dolls soon to be forthcoming as welcome additions to my collection).

What boy (young or old) hasn’t wanted his very own action-figure doll? What boy (young or old) hasn’t wanted to BE his very own action-figure doll? What boy (young or old) hasn’t wanted a cock hanging down to his knees? My only chance for the latter, having been my very own action-figure doll — now the reality.

Thank you, Star, from the top of my head, to the ends of my toes, to the tip of my dick!